I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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