Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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