at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
