You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize