If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
