and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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