so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
