So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
