He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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