I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
