He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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