If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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