Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
