We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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