i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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