I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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