his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
