it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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