There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
