It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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