he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize