the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
