I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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