foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
