I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
