right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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