Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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