haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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