I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
