I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
