The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
