Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
