At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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