I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
