So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
