with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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