Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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