This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
