fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
