I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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