Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
