Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
