I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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