I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
