Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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