It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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