Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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