Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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