you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
