if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
