I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
