The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
