Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
