Pants 0. Shit 1.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize