I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
