Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
