apparently the secret to your success is patron
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
