Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
