You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
