How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
