I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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