So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
