Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
