woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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