I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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