The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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