Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
