why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize