I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
