just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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