when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just cut my nipple shaving
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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