based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
