Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
