they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
